Remembering Mercy

In this episode, I reflect on the power of personal memories in our faith journey, drawing from my own encounter with Jesus on May 4, 1986. Using the story of Simon Peter’s denial and redemption, I explore how our vivid memories, both joyous and sorrowful, shape us. I discuss Peter’s emotional scars and his healing encounter with Jesus by the charcoal fire. This leads to a broader message: Jesus invites us to confront and heal from our past, transforming our darkest moments into sources of liberation and joy. Let us embrace our past, allowing Jesus’ light to bring peace and freedom.

00:00:00 Memories are funny old things that we have. You know, I’m doing the the work in the tribunal at the moment. And I was away the last week for a course and back again this week and as we’re going through cases and as you begin to interview people to get the story of their marriage, certain things, you know, clearly stand out for people, certain incidents, certain moments. But often there are other things that are just very vague. And, you know, that makes sense. That seems to be true of my life as well. There are lots of moments, lots of things in my life that stand out really vividly for me. Tomorrow is Star Wars Day, May the 4th, May the fourth be with you. And it’s the day back in 1986 that I first encountered Jesus. I first met him. I first experienced his love and his goodness and was able to surrender myself and, you know, you begin to to walk the way of a disciple.

00:01:07 So there’s a lot of kind of murkiness around the exact moments of that afternoon in that school classroom back in Bega. But there’s lots of things that are very vivid as well. Certain things that always stand out for us are very formative for us, and certain things are able to to be recalled with great sorrow, great joy, great delight, great horror, you know, at times. And so there are moments also in the life of the disciples that would have stood out for them. I imagine that that memory that Saint Peter had of being there, warming himself, kind of minding his own business there by the charcoal fire. It’s in the courtyard just outside the the temple precinct. And he’s there because Jesus has been arrested. He’s there because he wants to be close to to Jesus. But as soon as people recognize him, as soon as the servant girl points the finger and says, you were one of them, surely you know why your accent gives you away. What does Peter do? To see, full of the bravado that he’s said so many times that he would have.

00:02:25 If all the rest forsake you, I will stand by your side. You know, we we recognize that that same sense within ourselves. We’ve said the same stupid things when in our youth or when in moments of of great bravado, we thought, yes, we will be absolutely faithful to God or whatever the situation might be. But of course, no, he wasn’t able. He just seen the way the brutality with which the soldiers were treating Jesus and his human weakness overcame him. And so he denied that he knew the Lord. That memory was clearly deeply seared into the very psyche, the very experience, the very You know nefesh of of Simon Peter. And so when he comes ashore on this dawn. It’s interesting that John gives us that little detail. He loves to give us little details about when things happening. And so it was just as the sun was beginning to rise over the horizon, just in that first moment when we’re able to just discern the things around us, the darkness is beginning to lift, the gloom is beginning to change.

00:03:39 And there’s the first hint of light on the eastern horizon. And so for Simon and the others who are there in the boat, when they look out and they see that stranger on the shore, and there’s still the lack of recognition, they still haven’t been able to determine who it is just yet. Until then, the miraculous fish, you know, the catch? That they’ve worked hard all night long. You know, it’s only in the night when the fish can’t see the nets. They’re likely to be caught up in it once the day begins to break, once the sun comes out, the fish are able to see the net, so they’re not going to be stupid enough to be caught by the net. And yet there he is. Throw the net out and you will catch the fish. And they do. And Simon, who stripped for work, you know, very evocative kind of image of someone being absolutely vulnerable. Of course, we know that the shame that both Adam and Eve felt in the garden after they sinned and they couldn’t stand their nakedness anymore.

00:04:42 They couldn’t do that. So they had to cover themselves up in the presence of God. And so as Simon jumps off the boat to go ashore, rather than taking clothes off, he wraps himself because he’s overwhelmed by that memory. And where does Jesus meet him? By the charcoal fire. Only twice in the whole of the New Testament is this particular word used at the scene in the garden, when outside the temple, when Peter denies him. And here on the beach, the two times that the charcoal fire is brought up and Simon is there. But now Jesus is going to do something with that memory. Jesus is going to begin to bring about a redemption. Jesus knows how much Simon Peter is being troubled by those memories, the fact that he’s even going fishing now, you know, in the midst of all of these appearances in the midst of of Jesus wanting to form his community, to shape them, to teach them, to mold them into the community that they need to be, to be able to be the bearers of his love, to be able to go and announce the good news of his salvation.

00:05:53 And instead, Simon and these other six disciples head off with him to go back fishing. Got nothing to do with the mission. Got nothing to do with their formation. They just need time to clear their heads and to to get back into something that they’re familiar with, something that they’re good at, hopefully. But it seems that they’re not so good because all night long and they’ve caught nothing. And so they’re by the shore of the lake that Jesus has already got fish. He’s already cooking the bread. He’s already preparing breakfast for the disciples. It’s one of the hallmarks of the Gospel of John, that there’s no mention of Simon the Cyrene in the passion narrative. There’s no one to help Jesus carry the cross, because Jesus seems to be strong enough to be able to do this all by himself. But here, as he’s preparing breakfast, he still makes that allowance to Simon Peter. Go bring some of the fish that you’ve just caught. Bring them back so we can cook them and and serve them as well.

00:06:53 But then we have this instant as they both kind of walk down, away from the others, away from the fire, away from the fierceness of that memory. And then they begin this conversation. The threefold remembrance of the denial is healed by the threefold invitation to love, the threefold invitation to that deeper awareness. We need that healing. There are some of those memories that continue to haunt us, continue to disturb us, and Jesus is able to bring about a redemption of those memories Jesus is about to bring about, is able to bring about a transformation of those things that continue to disturb us. It’s one of the the great tasks that we need to do as disciples, to not just brush the past under the rug. Not to pretend that it’s not significant anymore, but to allow him to come back with us, to journey into those dark places, whether we are children or whether we’re teenagers or in our early adult life. There’s so often those moments that have shaped us and formed us, but continue to disturb us in all the wrong ways, continue to prevent us from finding that freedom and that liberation.

00:08:11 And so this is Jesus invites Simon Peter to go for a walk with him as he invites him into this space of of freedom, as he invites him into this place where he’s able to unburden himself. So also for us if we are to walk faithfully as disciples of Jesus. We need to let him take us into those dark places, so that he can bring about the healing and transformation, so that he can meet us there and heal us there, and allow us to find our life and our truth and our freedom. So don’t allow the past to determine your future. Allow the past to be changed and healed by his presence, the one in whom there is. Oh, glory and honor and power and wealth. The one that we’re invited into this encounter in order to find this change and this transformation. Let’s allow the Lord to meet us, really bring us to a place of peace, because there is no darkness in our lives that his light has not yet touched. There is no darkness that the dawn that rises begins to to bring about that change, that transformation for us.

00:09:17 Let’s be a church that looks at our past, embraces the past, and brings healing into those moments so that the Lord is able to meet us now in freedom and joy and liberation.